Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
