That's when you crack a 10am beer
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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