I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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