the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
