you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
