you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
