I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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