How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
