She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
