New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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