I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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