I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
