This is not my ceiling
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
