I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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