I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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