What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
