I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
