K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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