so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
