Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
