You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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