Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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