Don't you send me to vm
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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