Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize