Pappa wants mamma naked
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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