Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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