There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
