the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
