True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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