Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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