so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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