Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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