I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
