before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
