carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
