i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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