She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
