someone get that fucking seahorse.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
