Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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