glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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