She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
