dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
