Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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