I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
