He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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