hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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