Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
