You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize