I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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