Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
