i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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