I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
