I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
