I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
