I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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