Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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