I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I AM VODKA MAN
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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