I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
