so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You were trust falling into bushes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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