you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
