She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
