you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need to calm my uterus...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize