Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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