the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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