I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
