just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
