i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize