she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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