Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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