grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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