I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My pussy is not your playground.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
