i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
