did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize