That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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