I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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