I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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