I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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