It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
