I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
