P.S. I can't hear my feet
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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