I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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