We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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