I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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