i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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