I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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