Pregnant stripper...not hot.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize