First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
