i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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