That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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