she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
