So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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