shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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