we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
