mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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